Pornography, the downfall of men.

Not a popular statement, but coming from a loving place I will allow myself to call it by its true name. Stay with me to the end please.

I will begin by saying, it's not shameful or wrong to watch porn. But as with everything in life, consequences will always follow our actions and choices.

Cultivating our heart center, and thereby enhancing our ability to feel empathy, is the central point in tantra. Pornography is most of the time created by men, for profit, which alone is made to hook up men, based on their sexual urges, and from the lowest level of thought and the least effort, where men aren't challenged or asked to invest anything emotionally, and this will come with a cost. Just like fast food tempts you with salt, fat and sugar, but it is a killer to your good health, and it pollutes the channel to your heart and soul.

Usually pornography subtly tells the story of women as an object. To use and throw away. Materialistic sexuality, and if you follow that principle just a bit further down the line, you will find that it's connected to satanic view of life (ultra materialistic), where the idea is to completely cut the connection to our heart and feelings, and only the lowest and darkest urges are left; arrogance, exploitation, carelessness and instant gratification.

Pornography makes men shut down emotionally. But most men would benefit from getting in better contact with their emotions, because that is where their true (masculine) strength lies.

In pornography there is nothing about how women's sexuality really works, this subject is completely neglected. Its a huge repressed subject in the collective, to such an extend, that a lot of women even don't understand their own sexuality, or they have just given up to the degree that it has become the norm to imitate orgasms while having sex with their boyfriend, because the task to be met and understood by a guy who has been raised by porn is unmanageable. The tendency is that sensitivity in sex is tabu, while carelessness, detachment and coolness is thumbs up.

Women's sexuality is naturally tantric: Women need a lot of time, they need to connect emotionally and feel emotionally secure to really open up to their sexual desires and "let the juices flow". Once they have opened up they can keep going for days, in the right hands. But very few men know how to open up a woman. A lot of men think they do, by approaching her as a dashboard, where they try to push the right buttons to get the reaction they have seen on film: Performance sex. The man often  approaches the woman from a mental and emotionally detached place. And the woman tricks him by doing exactly what he expects from her, which brushes his ego. While she is left unfulfilled and alone. Men, and sometimes even women too, are not aware of womens true sexual nature and needs. That's the sad truth. And too many men are too disconnectet to their emotions to feel what is really going on.

Men need to follow women's sexuality. And not the other way round. Why?

Because a man will become a far better version of himself through tantra and feminine sexuality: He will become deeper sexually and emotional satisfied, and he can now experience himself as a man who actually takes care of his women (instead of being the man who is using her). He will gain selfrespect. He will develop an amazing relationship with his woman, she will respect him and forever be grateful to him, because he is rare. She will let her walls down and become more soft, feminine and devoted towards him, because she feels emotionally seen and safe, thereby she will also become more attractive for him. And they will create a deep, intimate and beautiful bond, in mutual love, harmony and respect.

When a man give in to a more nurturing, emotional connecting, and tantric sexuality in this way, and trust has been built in the relationship, then the roles can shift, and the man can begin to take the lead; sex can now play out the more masculine way once in a while, as it will feels right for both, because the woman and the man now are aligned with each other.

So it is allowed to have crazy animalistic sex! But I think most people will experience that if this is the only or primary way of having sex, the energy will burn out at a certain point, which will cause problems for the relationship. The excitement will slowly go downhill, because it will take more and more, to keep up with the same level of impact one gets from the sexual act, when the sexual interaction primarily is based on physical stimulation. It will end with boredom, insensitivity and sexual crisis. Furthermore, as I have mentioned before, the man won't be able to get the woman aligned with him just by increasing the level of stimulation. A combination of tantra/feminine sex and animalistic sex/masculine sex is best, but tantra should be the primary way: The approach to sex you begin your relationship with, and the way you have sex most of the time through the relationship, if the relationship and the sexual life is meant to survive, and if both shall remain satisfied in the relationship for the long haul.

When a woman feels forced to fit into the man's sexuality, the following will usually happen: She shuts down, she will loose her interest in having sex (because it doesn't turn most women on not to feel seen), she becomes bitter and builds up anger towards him, maybe even without she is completely aware why. The relationship becomes disharmonious and filled with drama and conflicts. She will shut down her sexual energy, and he gives into porn. And gradually he becomes a worse version of himself: More distant, more careless and more emotional disconnectet. Walls are build between them.

It takes practice, effort, healing and awareness to become a good man. It takes practice, healing and awareness to become a good woman. It is demanding to become a good person. Every act and thought is our investment in a certain direction. And it is always up to us where we invest our energy.

We attract our relationships from our energy.