Redirected life energy
If you do not truly care for yourself, it can happen that you instead care overly much about something on the outside: other people or other things. Your life energy has to be active - so if you dont allow it to care for yourself it moves excessively towards the external to care.
If you do not feel that you are enough “as you are” you will also often cling to some kind of identity that then makes you “enough”. This can be an individual identity, or as part of a group or a movement. Combined with the “caring too much about others” this identity often has an element of being a “savior” or a “hero”, often with direct or indirect “virtue signaling” - but what you will notice is that it also comes with an extreme frustration and effort - not with smooth and happy “effortlessness” and joy.
This can show in many ways, that are often seemingly opposite, but just two sides of the same coin:
| Heads | Tails |
|---|---|
| Covid virtue signaler pfizer lover | Anti covid angry rebel |
| Left wing LGBT victimization, blame the evil patriarchy | Right wing “us against them”, blame the evil communists |
| Atheism, scientism, know it all | Dogmatic mind-religion where you feel superior and hate the nonbelievers |
| Depression / victim or doomer mentality | “Positive psychology hippie” that pretends everything is always great and good, conceals any “darkness” |
| Overbearing self-sacrificing mother who neglects herself and spoils her children | Self-sacrificing father working non stop to try to be “worthy” - and/or to escape his nagging wife that he does not feel worthy enough to speak up to |
| Someone so afraid of failure that they never try at all (protects their “flawless image” at all costs) | Someone trying so hard with something that they burn out or are never enough = not aligned with the inner emotional self - or keeping themselves so busy that they won't have to feel. |
| Strong woman who stays with the nice guy cause in the end she does not truly believe she deserves better. | Nice guy white knight who lets the needs of women and others be above his own. “I'm such a hero and other men are pigs” |
| Pleaser girl who allows a man to unhealthily control or “abuse her” - “I will save him, and I'm so brave because I endure the victim role for the good of others” | Overly controlling man who does not trust that he is good enough if things are not going exactly as his mind wants - and projects his frustration with himself towards others. |
Slowing down
We live in an overly active and stimulated world. I believe that part of the reason for this is because people are suffering so hard on an inner level that they need to stay busy on the external to avoid feeling and seeing the pain.
Taking lots of time off for myself was - and is - very important to heal and stay balanced.
If you have low self worth, you are probably overcommitted to things or people you are not really happy with, and overly busy on the external.
When was the last time you spent several hours doing nothing, or just listened to soft emotional music? Took a walk without your phone? Focused inwardly instead of outwardly? Allowed those uncomfortable feelings to be felt fully? Your heart speaks softly, especially of the things it is scared of revealing because of judgement.
What hides behind the overactive mind and racing thoughts?
Healthy selfishness
If you have been ignoring yourself for most of your life, it can seem “selfish” and “extreme” at first to say no and prioritize yourself. Keep in mind, this is just your own skewed perception and belief. Therefore you must allow yourself to be EXTREMELY “selfish” in the beginning of your journey back to yourself. Do not let your mind weigh and decide if something is “too selfish” - just do it all! Contrary to the fear of your mind, you will experience that most people actually respect and admire that you choose yourself. Some people may try to blame and guilt you - often in sneaky indirect ways. They are also trapped in the darkness. Have compassion and understand that they are suffering and they don't know better. It can be helpful to remove yourself from unhealthy interpersonal dynamics in the beginning, and practice your new patterns somewhere else - but if people try to pull you down, you may have to firmly tell them not pass their shit onto you. (I had to do this several times with my mom who kept guilting me for taking time off and not working and obligating myself to death)
Later, when you have found back to balance and self love, you will find out that healthy “selfishness” is always good and you will easily know whats right and wrong.